2021 NAR Rally 14 – Peter Pan at the Mermaids Lagoon

After the trials and tribulations of the Flying Dutchmen in 2020, we are taking it relatively easy with a tour of Neverland with Peter Pan and his companions.

Not much to fear here, except the risk of getting eaten by the crocodile, killed by the Indians, drowned by the Mermaids, tricked by a jealous Tinkerbell, injured by vengeful fairies, captured by the Pirates or killed by the Lost Boys because you are a grown up. So, easy really.

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For the fourteenth Non-Attendance Rally our negotiating team have been speaking to Wendy Darling and Peter Pan about a tour of Neverland. Arrangements have been finalised, and everything is in place for you and your friends to visit whenever you wish. The magic of the fairies will ensure that you are expected.

Once at Neverland, you will have a guided tour, led by Nana and Tiger Lily, which will include Cannibal Cove, The Indian Village, The Lost Boys Hideout, The Jolly Roger, Tik Tock’s lake and ending up at Mermaid Lagoon. Breakfast will be at the Indian Camp, Lunch on board the Jolly Roger and tea at the Mermaid Lagoon.

Breakfast will be simple, wholesome fare provided by the Indians, that is if they like you. If they take exception to you or your friends, including feeling insulted or ignored, then you will be killed, at least in that case breakfast will not be an issue.

Lunch on the Jolly Roger will be served by Captain James Hook and Mr Smee (the pirates having duties as car park guards), so please be on your best behaviour and do not ask Captain Hook about his hand, or what time it is – DO NOT wear a watch, especially a ticking watch. If you do hear any ticking, do not go near the water as the crocodile is probably around somewhere.

Tea will be at Mermaid Lagoon, the Lost Boys will join you for tea, please bring some marbles for Tootles, and be prepared to tell them a story. Do not upset Tinkerbell, she may seem nice and friendly, and probably is, but she can only have one emotion at a time, and if she gets angry anything could happen. Everything is full on with her, and she is not bothered about causing pain or injury or death.

After tea, there is time to explore the island on your own, although this will probably end in your capture, kidnap, injury or death. Outside the arrangements made by the NAR negotiating team, all bets are off. The Indians will hunt you down because you are not one of them, The Pirates will kidnap you and torture you to find out where Peter Pan’s lair is, the Lost Boys will try to kill you because you are a grown up, or capture the Ladies to be their mother for ever. The Crocodile will be after you simple for a meal, and the Mermaids will appear very friendly, but really are so mischievous that they will probably drown you. This is especially true at night, don’t be at Mermaid Lagoon in the dark. And if Tinkerbell ever thinks you are too friendly with Peter Pan, oh dear.

So, have good time, if you like it there, you can stay as long as you are still a boy and refuse to grow up. If you are already a grown up, too late, and if you are a girl, you have your own island somewhere.

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